Wanda Whips Wall Street (1982) Online

There's just something about porn in the 80s and 70s that is much more appealing than modern porn films. The story lines were actually given some thought to and the sex is just so much more realistic. You don't get the pumped up breasts and muscle bound guys who bonk for hours and hours like you get today, which quite frankly bores me no end. Back in the olden days, you get "normal" people acting in porn...attractive genuine women and average guys (skinny mostly with average penises) having sex in real life times ie 20 seconds to about 3 mins (yes it is only that long whether you want to admit it or not!). So this film offers a lot of that and I find it a lot more arousing than most porn that I've seen.

Released to the swankier selection of adult screening venues circa 1982, WANDA WHIPS WALL STREET marks a turning point in Larry Revene's directorial body of work which ultimately encompasses a mere eleven titles, ranging from effective to excellent. Although most of his subsequent creative efforts would still pass through Chuck Vincent's Platinum Pictures for distribution's sake, it shows lil' Larry checking his wingspan and preparing to fly from the safety of his mentor's nest. His inaugural endeavors as a fledgling filmmaker, SIZZLE and FASCINATION, had been frequently mistaken by the masses for bona fide Vincent ventures with the erstwhile DoP generally assumed to meekly regurgitate His Master's Voice as some sort of compensation in kind for professional services rendered thus-far.

Like Vincent's genre-bending examples ROOMMATES and IN LOVE, WANDA was wholly intended to escape the ever narrowing confines of the carnal circuit with its focus gradually shifting away from the explicit sex towards the expanding of cinema's more traditional production and entertainment values, opening up previously virgin territories that wouldn't touch anything hotter than R like legit movie theaters and cable TV, not to mention the burgeoning home video market. Its longevity seems only natural in retrospect as the majority of available T&A fodder was clumsily conceived crap containing but a fraction of the talent and scope found in adult at that time.

Cementing her status as Queen Bee of the hardcore hive, Veronica Hart shines as wicked Wanda Brandt, underneath whose deceptively demure demeanor beats the cold heart of a ruthless corporate shark. She will calculatedly inveigle her way into flourishing firms, basically stealing them right from under their owners' noses by siphoning away stock with the administrational aid of a crooked lawyer she's in cahoots with. Literally charming the pants off managing director Mr. Winston (one shot Jese Paul de Valois), she lands the position of "executive coordinator of human services" at marketing monolith Tyler Securities & Brokerage Inc.

Her usual MO consists of acquiring shares by any means possible, subsequently laundered through a dummy corporation set up by her silent partner. Seducing married man on the make Lester Frydman (Ashley Moore) from Tyler's Cleveland branch, she blackmails him into turning over his power of attorney lest she should inform his wife of their indiscretion. In order to deflect colleague suspicion away from her nefarious motives, she has to bring in back-up in the form of pliable protégée Janie Richmond (Tish Ambrose) to work her way through the local movers and shakers.

Characteristically clueless chairman Sanford Tyler (silver-haired Richard Lowenkron, also appearing in Chris Covino's underrated BABE) watches helplessly from the sidelines as his empire is gnawed away in chewable chunks at an alarming rate by the mysterious "Labelle Bros". The board wholeheartedly agrees that drastic measures need to be taken and settle on shady corporate investigator Lou Perrini (Jamie Gillis). He may prove her match in more ways than one as he arrives in grand style by luxury yacht across the Hudson River, trusty sidekick Ed Drummond (Ron Jeremy) in tow.

Dragging poor slob stockbroker Marty (priceless Jamie Kantor, also in MODEL BEHAVIOR) into the broom closet for what he believes will be the erotic experience of a lifetime, Wanda steals his clothes and ID badge in order to gain entrance to the Stock Exchange trading floor. The plan is to dump a ton of Tyler shares at basement prices, thereby dramatically decreasing the value of the remaining stock yet to pilfer. Disenchanted fellow financier Lisa Rogers (Samantha Fox) figures out Wanda's scheme right away but has a personal axe to grind with a monopolizing behemoth "whose sharks have gobbled up all the minnows" in one of countless quotable lines in Rick Marx's superior script. While the scene does include a shot of the actual Exchange taken from the visitor's gallery, back in the day when such could be achieved sans permit, most of it plays out on a seamlessly inserted mock-up set in Larry's own loft !

Wanda seems to have become an unstoppable force of nature by now as the final majority bid of a cool million Tyler shares will put her in complete control of the company. Such transaction causes a predictable panic outbreak among traders as the Dow Jones plummets to depths unknown, forcibly freezing all financial activity over the course of one fateful weekend pending further investigation. Anxiously awaiting to ink the deal come Monday morning, Wanda has to throw Perrini off the scent by whisking him away to a secluded cabin in the woods for some much needed R&R. Fans of both superstars will not be in the least disappointed by their amorous al fresco acrobatics. Holding down the fort, Ed's finally catching on to the truth behind the overtake operation but will he be able to get word to his boss with the resourceful Janie doing her level best to distract him ? Tune in and find out...

Even though they were both "above the title names" in adult at the time, Veronica Hart and Jamie Gillis were not that often pornographically paired, apart from Gary Graver's splendid AMANDA BY NIGHT and supporting the shining star in a couple of Lenny Kirtman's Seka showcases. Too bad, because the heat was most definitely there and Revene wisely allowed their oneupmanship to build up a full head of steam before the final reel pay-off, pulling out all the stops with lush green surroundings and gorgeous Giallo-type music, making this meeting of intimate industry giants one for the blue books. Their "inconvenient" on-screen relationship is wittily mirrored by the developing attraction between Tish (then still "T.J.") Ambrose and the hardest working man in hardcore, Ron Jeremy, which is so deftly handled as to occasionally eclipse the film's established stars.

I'll never forget how I was first introduced to this film that quite possibly might make Citizen Kane obsolete.

I was 17, and the drummer in an off-kilter, mod-core, hard rockin' band called the Moondoggie P. Orkfire Experiment. My man Jay-sone and I were in the Waldenbooks at Northgate Mall reading through Leonard Maltin's film guide. Well, right there with a turkey next to it was the title Stocks and Blondes. Yes, Stocks and Blondes. Oh the hours the film's writers must have slaved to come up with a delicious pun. But I digress.

Anyway, you can guess that with a name like that, Jay-sone and I rushed to the nearest Wherehouse to rent this neo-classic. But alas, it wasn't to be. They said they hadn't had a copy of that since 1987. Something about it not renting well, which I find impossible to believe. The movie geek clerk probably wanted to keep this title to himself. But about a year later the gods smiled upon us. We were walking through Bradley Video looking for some games to rent, when what did we see but a box with "Stocks and Blondes" emblazened on it. Not a day had passed where we had failed to reference the movie, this was our reward. We greedily grabbed the box and rushed quickly to the nearest VCR.

And the reward was sheer brilliance.

I wish I could give you some spoilers, but quite frankly that's impossible. Quite truthfully because the writer's were so ahead of their time the true aim of the plot may not be known for several generations to follow. I asked my friend, our guitarist Nate, if he remembered any details of this of the film, but he reminded me that he fell asleep a quarter of the way through it-- an impressive feat by the writer's given Nate's usual insomnia. Talk about your great public services. And then there's the acting. Sure, it's about on par with the dialouge delivered in your average porn movie. But think of it like this, there are thousands, nay millions, out there who love the acting in porn movies but hate all the hard-core sex. If you find yourself a member of this group, then rush to Bradley Video and rent this film now.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the haunting theme song though. The singer is so brilliant and punk he doesn't even hold the same pitch throughout certain notes. The result is a wonderfully inventive new form of vocals that sounds like a cross between a goat and a teenaged boy who's voice is changing. We tried to cover this song millions of times, but our singer Chadd just couldn't get the voice down.

Anyway, I could rave about Stocks and Blondes for another thousand words or so, but that would defeat the point of this post. There are three things in this world that are must sees before you die. The Mona Lisa. The Sistene Chapel. And Stocks and Blondes.

Rating: 100/10

Shrewd and seductive financial wizard Wanda Brandt (a winningly sharp and vibrant performance by the beautiful Veronica Hart) goes to New York City to secure a cushy job at a top investment firm. Joining forces with crafty secretary Janie (a marvelously spunky turn by comely redhead Tish Ambrose), Wanda uses her feminine wiles on various company stock holders and uses blackmail to obtain their shares. Meanwhile, ace corporate investigator Lou Perrini (smoothly played by the always reliable Jamie Gillis) and his partner Ed (a solid and likable portrayal by Ron Jeremy) are on the case.

Director Larry Revene keeps the engrossing and entertaining story moving along at a snappy pace, maintains a pleasingly breezy tone throughout, makes fine use of the Big Apple locations, and milks the amusing sense of cheeky humor for plenty of laughs. Rick Marx's witty script offers a few neat twists and turns, with a real pip of a surprise ending. Hart really struts her stuff in this one; she looks positively ravishing and displays a natural and appealing chemistry with Gillis. The top-rate cast of sturdy porn regulars rates as another substantial asset, with especially stand-out contributions from Samantha Fox as the brash Lisa Rogers and Sandra Hillman as the sweet Judy. Sharon Mitchell pops up briefly for a scorching threesome set piece. The sex scenes deliver the steamy and strenuous goods. Steven Kaman's glossy cinematography provides a satisfying handsome look. The funky-throbbing score hits the get-down groovy spot. A real delight.

One of the few X-rated movies I have seen in an actual movie theatre (Cinema 21, an art movie house that would show one or two dirty movies each month during the 1980's to help pay the bills so they could show more artistic movies.)

How does this differ from the average ``shot in three days from a script written on the back of an overdue bill" porn movie? Allegedly this movie was funded by some Wall Street broker types. And a scene or two in the middle appears to have been shot on the floor of the NYSE.

Otherwise, it's fairly much as you'd expect. Woman sleeps her way to control of a brokerage firm. And Jamie Gillis ends up foiling her plans . . . after sleeping with her himself. (And if I'm spoiling this movie for you, you really need to see more examples of this genre.)

Geoff

My market share is rapidly falling due to seeing terrible movies like STOCKS AND BLONDES! Our beautiful financial figure named Wanda shows off whatever it takes to become a success story. What story? It's just uninteresting, unworthy, and unadmirable, and to "top it all off", it doesn't exist. Good thing this one is cut from any thermometer-exploding scenes, and I can still care less. This is an exploitation comedy that gives itself a bad name, creating a deep hole into the domestic economy. The video distributors from the past lost millions of dollars for putting out movies like this. It's a great find if you like your women totally bare.